the math...

Always the comment is “Why don’t you just… buy a new car, buy new clothes, join a gym, get your bike fixed…? It won’t cost that much…”

On the “Today” show Katie Couric or Ann Curry say things like, “Wow, what a cute little bag (shoes, dress, etc.) and this is really inexpensive, isn’t it… Just $50,…$60,… a $100. Wow, what a great deal… and now to the news… Katrina revealed a side of American culture that we don’t often think about, the millions of Americans living below the poverty level. Why were Americans so shocked by the numbers of the poor revealed by Katrina and why didn’t officials have a plan to deal with the situation?”

Because the eyes of America are the media Katie. The television is the mirror through which we see ourselves. The poor don’t buy hummers. Their whites aren’t as white as the mothers’ in the ads and their homes don’t look like hers. The constant mantra of the television… “if you want to exist, own these things.”

The hidden poor are right here on the train. They’re walking down the street. We pass them everyday. We are them under different circumstances. Their camouflage is daylight and our contempt and fear.

Healthcare: I know from experience the math on that – even with insurance. “Go to the free clinics, get screened, get treatment… don’t worry about the cost for right now.” Yeah, Yeah, Yeah… The calls on the phone from creditors, the letters… if you’re sick you can’t work… other bills in addition to medical accrue… Collectors cold and trained to dispassion often don’t care that you just got out of the hospital… they’ve heard all the sob stories before and you shouldn’t have over extended yourself in this way to begin with. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been humiliated by someone I was trying to pay…* (and Bush signs legislation making it more difficult to declare bankruptcy while he make statements that assure us too many are abusing the privilege because they just don’t want to pay…)

Then there’s the edging guilt that fills in with anger - You don’t have a right to this care if you don’t have the money. There’s the feeling that you’re slipping in under false pretenses. Yes I’ll sign this paper that says I’m responsible for the debt incurred just please just save my life. (A side effect of Katrina… lots of illnesses that wouldn’t have been detected until it was “too late” are being treated by volunteer medical staff.) So you get to the point that you don’t go to the doctor until you have to because it seems like no matter how free it is there’s still a bill you know you can’t pay.

Katrina took the lives of too many of the poor… Here in the land of plenty how many of the poor die from undetected, untreated illness?

(* In 1996 I was diagnosed with cancer. I had insurance but was otherwise living from paycheck to paycheck. I had just become divorced. The delicate financial house of cards came tumbling down and I am only now making a dent in many of my debts from that time. I never declared bankruptcy but I know many who have.)

---

I had a strange dream about two nights ago. I was talking to Jesus. He was a thin, tall young man in jeans. He had shoulder length black hair and black eyes. We were some place that had an aura of pale blue and white. It seemed like a hall. It didn’t seem at all remarkable to be having a conversation with Jesus. He handed me a fogged-over mirror about the size of my hand. In the condensation on the mirro, he had traced a face with his finger. He said, “Hold it up so I can see myself… I can’t see myself unless you reflect me back.” In my dream I wondered if this was the same thing as when vampire can’t see themselves.